FML - April 24, 2009

Yes, that's right. A whole FML blog for JUST today. FML.

Today, I drove to Miami Beach for a meeting that lasted three minutes and accomplished nothing. I left for home just in time to sit in rush hour traffic, as if I had a real job which would actually require me to sit in such traffic. FML.

Today, I attempted for the 23428748937th time to resolve my security deposit issue at my old apartment. This man, who looks bothered by the fact that he actually has to do his job when I approach the front desk, keeps telling me to talk to the property manager or her assistant, both whom which I don't believe are actual people. I'm trying to get a $900 check from two people that have business cards but do not actually exist. FML.

Today, while sitting in unnecessary traffic and being slowed by tourists in the left lane, cut off by old people that have no business driving anywhere let alone on a four-lane expressway, and cat-called at by Mexican construction workers hanging out of pick-up truck windows, I decide that I'm going to head to the mall to get one of Chelsea Handler's funny books and sit outside in the sun to eat and read and enjoy a little "me time." All went as planned, as I sat down at Johnny Rockets, ordered a chicken club with fries and began reading "My Horizontal Life." All of a sudden this big ass black crow, or something like one, pretty much almost takes off my head while in flight and perches on the table directly in front of me. I hate birds, and ended up moving inside to eat, completely defeating the purpose of my original plan to enjoy the weather and eat in peace. It was as if this bird, with it's two-inch long beak and weird chirps and mannerisms, was saying to me, "I see you eating alone. Get some friends. Get a boyfriend. Loser." FML.

Today, I was inside Johnny Rockets hiding from a stupid bird and trying to read in peace, when I hear this guy talking unnecessarily loud about a band that's he's in. Right. If you're in a band, I'm the Dalai Lama. Get a grip. FML.