Hello hell? It’s me, Maegan.

Tonight I have chosen to profile a few of the sports world’s most unfortunate looking folks. Granted, I have beef with each that is not appearance-related, which will become apparent in each explanation. No worries - I'm ready for my trip to hell; my handbasket is decorated and ready.

First we have Stan Van Gundy, head coach of the Orlando Magic. This man is what prompted this blog topic, as I sit here and watch the Magic/Celtics game. Oh. My. Goodness. On one side of the scorer’s table we have Doc Rivers, looking seriously classy in a suit, button-down and tie. On the other side we have an appearance disaster in Van Gundy – a suit with a nasty gray, um, t-shirt maybe? Mock turtleneck? Does it matter?! Ew. My grandfather called and he wants the mustache he used to sport during his days as a fire fighter back. Too bad they don’t make heels for dudes because you could benefit greatly from them. Also, you could consider making like Dan Marino and getting on board with Nutrisystem. And please give my boyfriend-in-my-mind J.J. Redick the PT he deserves. (Dear J.J., I heart you. Call me. Seriously. Love, Maegan)

Next we have Charlie Weiss, head football coach (maybe?) at Notre Dame. Clearly the guy has appearance issues, as he can barely freaking speak he is so … skinny. As a Penn Stater I’ve never really liked anything having to do with the Fighting Irish, but my true near-hatred for Weiss came while watching the Duke/Notre Dame football game last year. I would personally like to thank ESPN for the extreme close-up of Charlie’s gordo face, which featured a bubble of snot at the tip of his left nostril. I know it’s cold in South Bend and it makes your nose run, but can somebody get this guy a tissue? Maybe the one Brady Quinn used when he said he was going to win a national championship, then didn’t. Or maybe the one Quinn used when he said he was going to win the Heisman Trophy, then didn’t. Ha. (Dear Brady, I guess you’re sort-of cute but you’re whiny and you make stupid statements to the media about things you’re not sure you could achieve. Regards, Maegan)

And finally there is Len Elmore, college basketball commentator for ESPN. I have been saying this for years: the dude looks like Jack Skellington (sp?) from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Yes, the man resembles an animated character that is simply a sack of bones with bad teeth and a bow tie. I’ve never really had any serious beef with ole Len other than that I can’t see him on TV without wanting to sing “But I am Jack! The pumpkin king!” … But, he is a Twerp from Maryland so I guess I don’t like him for that. (Dear Len, I’m sorry to have included you amongst the ranks of Van Nasty and Fat Weiss. Sincerely, Maegan)

PS Taye Diggs is the hottest man alive.