just a typical thursday afternoon for the unemployed

As I sit in my studio apartment, unemployed and in the middle of a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon courtesy of E!, I’ve decided to kick off my first ever blog by coming up with six reasons to watch this reality show debacle. In my defense, as I should be applying for jobs right now and being productive with my pathetic self, the Internet is down in my building therefore limiting my options with that. And so, onto things that really matter …

Top Six Reasons To Tune Into Every Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon:

Number 6 – Khloe-isms: “Smell ya later.” “You jealous psycho bitch.” The time she found a homeless man and brought him home – then had him bathe in Kris’ bathroom. All her cracks about Kim’s ass. “Kourtney and I are strong queens.” The whole Bentley/Colorado trip debacle. “I need a drink.” “Shut the BEEP up.” Khloe, when can we hang out? Serio.

Number 5 – Kendall and Kylie. They suckered Kris into getting a dog then managed to hide it from Bruce for a while; Kendall made a profit from hiring a Mexican man to do her chores which Bruce was paying her for; and one or both of them was caught doing a great impersonation of Kim in front of the mirror, which may have occurred before or after Kylie ran around her room lifting her shirt up yelling “Woo!” over and over again.

Number 4 – Bruce and Kris’ desire to be hip. Case in point, for Bruce: the remote control helicopter obsession, and the conversations with Kris regarding his hair (“Honey what do you think - bangs or no bangs? Do you like it slicked back like this?”). And for Kris: her tryout for a dance team which resulted in a screwed up knee, and the time she went out with her friend Ellen and got Kylie and Kendall’s names tattooed on her lower back because at the time she was mad at Khloe, Kourtney and Kim.

Number 3 – “And I work out all the time, but I still have some cellulite on my ass …”

Number 2 – To wonder out loud over and over, how Steve landed Kourtney. Steve is a creeper and in no way is cute enough to have Kourtney on his arm. Specifically in the episode when the family takes a trip to Colorado and he gets on the plane looking like he’s about to appear in Grease as Kinicky – the hair is gelled and slicked back much like Bruce’s actually, and what is with the leather jacket bro?! Also, his comments regarding the Hummer rentals and humdingers, were wildly inappropriate and just really not funny at all. I guess he does have to put up with her voice and the way she draaaaaws ouutttt everyyy wooooord.

Number 1 – The chance that Brody Jenner could make a shirtless cameo at any time.